This is a time of year when I have to remind myself more often that the sadness—or just plain sluggishness—a lot of people are feeling is just the weather. After all, this Sunday marks the end of daylight-savings time, and it’s already pretty dark by 6:00 p.m.! Add to that the upcoming holidays, which can be a real challenge for some people, particularly if you’ve suffered a major loss this year.

If you’re feeling down—for any reason—my first instinct is to help you work through it and feel better. Most often, that’s your goal too. But even if it’s just the weather, I might also work with you to build your tolerance and strengthen your attitude about the occasional low moods you experience.

Sometimes it’s a mistake to work so hard to overcome these moods, or medicate them away. If it’s a seasonal-affect thing, one good solution is to find sunshine and find it fast: is now a good time to pop down to Vegas for a long weekend? But another good solution is to walk with the feelings a bit. Take a long autumn walk (even if it’s raining!) and give yourself some time to simply move your body, breathe, and experience this blue moment in your life.

I had a couple of blue days last week. I still don’t really know why. I could lay out the probable reasons, which could be work stress, divided energies, or an unwise decision not to go to the health club often enough last week. But I’m a person, not a machine. Sometimes I’ll feel happy for no understandable reason, and that works for low moods too. Is it some past loss I’ve suffered, resurfacing now, in the dying of the year? Is it just the darkening skies of late October? I don’t know, but I doubt it. I decided it was best to simply experience it. I framed it as a touch of melancholy, a natural, human thing. I also talked about it with a person I trust, and that was helpful.

This week I feel better, and next week is unwritten, unknown. If you’re feeling a little melancholy, that’s perfectly fine. You might be just fine. Let’s talk about it, if you’d like, but first, think about a long walk under the fall trees and gray clouds.

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An acquaintance of mine is co-leading a new group for people who are going through the coming-out process and want a place to talk about it, relate to others who are going through it, and learn more about themselves in a safe and confidential environment. If that sounds like you, here’s the flyer:

therapy-flyer1

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As you can see, I’ve embraced Referendum 71 on my website, and I encourage you to join the cause, by voting yes (if you live in Washington), or by contributing to Washington Families Standing Together (wherever you live). I think it helps to point out that the couples and families who benefit from this law (a law that was passed by the duly-elected representatives of the citizens of Washington state) are people you know, ordinary people, and—in my particular case—dog people. (!)

There’s a lot of evidence out there that people who know LGBT persons are much more likely to be liberal about the political issues related to sexual orientation. That’s why I think it’s important for me to let you know that this law currently allows people you know—your neighbors, friends, and family—to choose their kin, fill out their 401(k) beneficiary forms, and visit their loved ones in peace. That’s it. And many of the couples this law protects are elderly heterosexual friends who have found that they can secure their own futures better by pooling their resources and designating their most intimate companions to visit them when they’re sick, and handle their affairs when they die. What’s not to like about this law?

So please vote ‘yes’ on Ref-71. And here’s a photo of two members of one family who thank you for your support!

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I was inspired by my webmaster to add a link on my main page to Washington Families Standing Together, and support them financially myself. If you live in the state of Washington, no doubt you’ve already gotten your ballot for this year’s election. Please vote ‘yes’ on Referendum 71, a measure that affirms current state law that offers the same legal benefits to registered domestic partners that heterosexual married couples enjoy (with one exception: the use of the word ‘marriage’). By voting yes, you are simply affirming what your legislators and governor have already signed into law: equal rights for all families.

Even if you don’t live in Washington, please consider a donation. As my webmaster told me, “this is our Prop-8.” It’s vital that we pass this referendum!

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It’s raining hard in Seattle today, the kind of rain that seems to be saying, “Yes, it’s certain. Winter is coming.” So it got me thinking about a metaphor I sometimes use when people are feeling discouraged about their own ability to grow or change. (Or they’re feeling discouraged about their partner growing and changing.)

It’s a pretty simple metaphor: in January, a rose doesn’t look or smell like a rose. It actually looks pretty pathetic: a few dark, prickly sticks shooting out of the ground, and that’s it. Maybe there are a few forlorn leaves from last season clinging to the sticks. And maybe–if winter has been going on long enough–there are a couple of very small leaf buds pushing out at certain points. But it’s not the most attractive winter plant in your garden. And it just can’t compare to what a rose looks like in June.

If you’re discouraged, it might be because you’re a rose in January right now, at least with regard to the problem you’re having. You have a hard time feeling comfortable at cocktail parties. Or you’re scared because if you confront your partner about a problem, you’re certain it’ll just turn into a fight. Or you’re frustrated about your weight. Or you can’t stop smoking.

Whatever your problem is, try to take a moment to regard yourself with a little more compassion, and imagine yourself as a rose in January: these are dark times, and you’re certainly not blossoming. But even now, in all this cold and wet, you might be able to notice small movements within yourself. You’re able to do more at cocktail parties than you used to. You’re scared about your relationship problem, but you have a couple of good ideas and are getting (just a little) better at fighting in a healthy way. Or you’re at least maintaining your weight, and starting to eat more vegetables. Or you’re finally ready to think about a smoking-cessation program, and this time you have a little more support.

Even if you can’t notice any of those things, keep imagining yourself as a rose in January. It’s a necessary part of the life cycle for a rose: they can’t blossom all year round. They need time to retreat, rest, and let go of all their fragrant beauty. This time in your life might be a lot like that. It might be a Winter time. If so, then I encourage you to be comforted by the potential and promise of Spring.

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I got the idea of “Mental health break” posts from Andrew Sullivan. Today I just want to point out–in case you haven’t noticed, though I can’t believe you haven’t–how dazzling the fall weather has been this week. Azure skies, trees bursting with color, a crisp, cool temperature…heaven (by my standards). And I can’t think of a robust reason to post this photo, except that it’s a great shot of a certain dog of my acquaintance, and two pumpkins who surprised us this year. We didn’t plant them. They’re volunteers. But here they are, nice and orange, crying out for carving in a couple of weeks. Don’t miss the delights of this lovely autumn season!

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Sometimes I blog about issues related to general health and well-being. In that vein, today is World Vegetarian Day (and the first day of Vegetarian Awareness Month). I’ll let the organizers speak for themselves, but for me this is a day to do two things. First, yes, I will refrain from eating meat today. But more importantly, I will renew my commitment to being an informed consumer.

True confessions, I am not a vegetarian. But at the same time, I try to find a balance in my eating, which means that there are days and seasons when I refrain from certain foods, and abstain from alcohol. Most spiritual practices and religious traditions encourage some form of what I call “rhythmic eating,” which is a pattern of eating simply (or even fasting), and feast days when you absolutely say yes to French fries (my poison) and dessert. I trust this ancient wisdom.

And I am getting better and better at reading labels. For example, I thought for a long time that “cage-free” was better than “free-range” because it meant that the hens truly did have room to walk, flutter their wings, and do all the other things animals like to do. It turns out that “cage-free” is a more accurate term than “free-range,” but it doesn’t mean the animals were raised or treated more humanely. Now I know to look for the term “free-farmed.” (And I also know that eating animals and animal products is a lot more complicated–and problematic–than I thought.)

So take some time today to pay attention to your diet, and your relationship with all living things. Happy World Vegetarian Day.

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