I was talking with my sister last week about my recent post about ‘lesser selves’ and how we can ‘bind’ them to achieve the goals that our best selves really want. She sent me this link to an excerpt of a book by Geneen Roth (on Oprah’s website), and though the book in its very title is directed toward women, many of the ideas resonate deeply with me, and apply to men.

I have a history of dieting, emotional eating, and being preoccupied with food. I’ve never been a heavy guy, but I know what it’s like to be on the upper end of my ‘zone,’ if you want to call it that. It’s hard not to have preoccupations like this, given how many anxious and conflicted attitudes about food (and addictive substances, and so on) run through our culture like a river in spring. But it’s healthy to step out of that river and, bottom line, be gentle with yourself. Self-abusive diets never work, and in some sense they shouldn’t: why should self-abuse yield positive results?

After my conversation with my sister, I reflected on the way I currently approach food and drink, and their relationship to both my body and my emotional life. Here’s my simple little set of rules. I offer them not as a template for you to follow–you are free to do as you like, and my way isn’t necessarily your way. But it might get you thinking about the underlying assumptions you have about food, or alcohol, or any of the other objects and activities that enrich life, but also make it challenging. So…here’s how I see it:

1. Eat and drink whatever food and beverages you like. Enjoy life.
2. Don’t eat anxiety, stress, anger, or sadness. Notice those emotions and work with them. Don’t eat them.
3. Appreciate your health, and your body. Notice your good feelings. Look with kindness upon your body, exactly as it is today.

Too simple? I don’t think so. First off, #1 and #2 really work well together. I promise you I won’t eat too many potato chips if I’m not eating stress. If I’m working through my stress, breathing, and generally following a good pattern of self-care, I’ll have a few potato chips, but a few will be enough. And #3, though it sounds simple, is oh so hard for so many of us. It requires a little more explanation.

A few years ago, when I was a therapist at Group Health, I was in a training session on cognitive-behavioral therapy. Our great trainer, Sandra Coffman, told us about a meditation class she was taking. Everyone was seated on the floor, meditating, breathing and taking in all the silence and loveliness of the meditation exercise. And then the instructor said, “Now, let us all notice our non-headaches.”

<pause>

What was that?

He wanted the class to begin noticing the wonderful, healthy experiences they were having in that moment–having, but not being conscious of. They were all enjoying non-headaches, but they weren’t focusing on that. #3 in my little plan is a lot like this. There is a tremendous amount of power in consciousness: “I don’t want to become like my mother,” you might be thinking. Well, you’re conscious of it, so chances are you won’t. “I am noticing that my body is healthy, and beautiful,” you tell yourself. Well, you’re conscious of it, so chances are your body will become even more healthy and beautiful.

But don’t take my word for it. Take some time to be in silence, to breathe, and to ask yourself your own questions about how you can approach your goals, and your life.

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This is not a political blog, but these are interesting times in the world of politics, and since I work in a field which can be included under the ‘health-care’ umbrella, I think I should offer my take on the months-long health-care fight in Washington, since it now looks like the bill might (might!) pass this coming Sunday.

In short, I am a big supporter of this bill. Here’s a good, short rundown of what the bill offers the American people. This is taken from the blog of Ezra Klein, a journalist, blogger, and pundit who (at the believe-it-or-not tender age of 25!!) has been one of the best voices of reason and analysis during the last year of back-and-forth on health-care reform.

It’s not just important that this bill passes for political reasons–you know, because President Obama needs a big win heading into the midterms, and Democrats don’t want to lose the House or the Senate. If the bill passes, not only will it be more likely that the Democrats will retain most of their seats, but in my view, it will be more justifiable, too. I’ve thought for a long time that if they lose this fight, they deserve to lose control of the Federal government.

But the politics of this issue can’t compare in importance to the urgent need to cover 32 million people, outlaw denials for pre-existing conditions, make health-care coverage more affordable for everyone, and secure, once and for all, the right of all Americans to health insurance. The bill is far, far from perfect. I would have loved a public option, and I think the amendments about abortion are a travesty, and endanger human life. I hear the complaints of many of my women friends who are appalled at the concessions Democrats made. And I am appalled, too, that they made all those concessions and received nothing in return from the obstructionist Republicans.

But this is an essential, monumental first step. It won’t be too hard to add a public option, perhaps even next year (give or take the midterms). And other fixes can be made to expand coverage and level the playing field so that middle-class and poor citizens receive more coverage, better health care, and more financial security.

I was surprised that so little was said about mental health throughout this fight, and I intend to follow that issue in the coming months. But for now, I’m rooting for passage, and will celebrate on Sunday if it happens. If you haven’t been following this story, tune in. We could be approaching a history-making moment.

And for more on the issue from another great blogger, go here.

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Every once in a while I notice themes cropping up in my work with several clients. Lately one of those themes has been the ordinary and lovable absurdity of human beings. So often we suffer and struggle because we fail to laugh at ourselves, and miss out on the opportunity to look at ourselves with a humorous awareness of our own absurdity.

One of my favorite films is the wicked (in all the good ways) Dogma, a film that spoofs the Catholic church and organized religion in general. In one scene, a human is talking to an angel, and she’s commenting on how ridiculous the angel’s concerns are. The angel (played by Alan Rickman) responds, “There’s nothing funnier than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus.” It’s one of my favorite comments on human sexuality, and supports my belief that if you can laugh (kindly) at your sexual self, you will be much more likely to enjoy great sex.

Most of my clients come to counseling with problems that are dead serious. It’s a big mistake to just minimize those problems and laugh them away. At the same time, it’s also healthy to be aware of your own silliness, your own fallibility, your own absurdity. To illustrate, I’ll present a photo of a creature (in my care) who has no problem looking ridiculous!

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