A letter to my future self
So, this is it. Today is my fortieth birthday. I’ve been telling people that I have a lot of “energy” about this event. I’m not in crisis—believe me, I checked!—but I have a lot of interest in the fact that the earth has circled the sun forty times since that Monday morning in rural Minnesota when my parents headed for the hospital. I know that the earth herself couldn’t care less how old I am, and that I am one among billions, but I confess I’ve been thinking about myself a lot lately. Who am I? How am I doing compared to my 30-year-old self? (Much better, generally speaking.) And what’s next?
One of the things I decided to do to mark this event was to follow my own advice and write a letter to my older self, specifically, my 50-year-old self. I wrote it in longhand, just to be certain that it won’t find its way into cyberspace. (Some things need to be between me and myself…or is it myselves?) But I can tell you it was a not-too-long message of greeting and reflection for the enjoyment of the person I will be ten years from now. I told him what I haven’t yet accomplished for us, what I am proud to have gotten done, and some of my hopes for him. And I shared with him my compassion for our 30-year-old self, who (as I noted above) was in much worse shape than I hope either of us will be.
This is more than a silly, self-obsessed thing to do. It really is a healthy way to get in touch with oneself. Who am I? Who was I? Who do I want to become? I often encourage clients to do this exercise if they’re feeling apprehensive or anxious about their future, or if they’re feeling regret about their past. Can you speak with wisdom and affection to your older self, and (this might be much harder) your younger self? Thinking of yourself this way—in the third person—can free you to live more comfortably in your own skin, as you, like our home planet, move into the future, year by year.
Oh, and I asked the 50-year-old me to write back and tell me everything!
My five-year-old self.
August 17th, 2010 at 1:01 pm
Happy Birthday, Stephen. I went to the Grand Canyon on my 40th, just to be near something TRULY ancient. I also wrote to my future self, back in my 20s. You are exceptional, unique, and all those things that are impossible to put into words.
August 17th, 2010 at 6:05 pm
Thanks so much Barb! It’s been so great to be friends with you and learn from you! See you soon!
August 26th, 2010 at 8:12 pm
You’re now 40+almost 2 weeks, which puts you solidly “in your forties,” little brother. This post brought back a vivid memory of walking through the breezeway at church in the middle of a Vacation Bible School day, and having someone (whose identity, sadly, is lost to history and my bad almost 46-year-old memory) burst in the door and say, “Nancy Crippen had a baby boy!” I remember a feeling of wonderment that no one seemed to get that “Sarah Crippen has a new baby brother!” Glad for that day, glad for you as my brother. Take good care. xo
August 26th, 2010 at 8:43 pm
OMG! My big sister read my blog and commented! So sweet. True. (You follow?) So to reward her, I’ll confess that I was a little bit crisis-y on the day after my 40th. Just a little blue, mostly. I felt fine enough, I guess, but experienced the melancholy that seems to haunt some of these lifetime milestones. But generally speaking, today is good, there’s a lot to look forward to, and there’s a lot to remember with gratitude. Oh – and I’m going to school on my sister re: Being In Your Forties 101. xxo!