Just a note to everyone who schedules appointments with me online: we’re still trying to de-bug the system, so for the time being the scheduler is down. Please contact me by phone at (206) 214-7650 or email stephen@stephencrippen.com to schedule an appointment. Very sorry for the inconvenience!

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Update: I have a few hours available on Tuesday and Wednesday, August 12 and 13.

This is just a quick note about my schedule during the month of August. I will be out of the office for the week of August 12-16, and attending a conference on Saturday the 23rd. Other than that, I’m here and keeping my regular hours. I hope to see you!

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Most of my posts have to do with issues related to therapy, counseling, couples, personal growth, and so on. But today I want to recognize and recommend my webmaster, whose site is found here. Jill is terrific. I’ve been working with her for just about a year now, and I’m delighted with the quality and consistency of her work. My website is the lifeblood of my practice, and Jill has worked countless hours (well, she’s counted most of them, but hey, that’s business!) to help me get started, build the site, and work on search-engine optimization. I highly recommend her.

One reason I’m talking about Jill in this post is that this is a scheduled post, which means that by the time you read this, I will have written it yesterday. For a long time I hesitated to do scheduled posts. It’s a great feature, but I’ve had some glitches with my blog and I didn’t want to risk a post being published in the future without me being at the computer and ready to fix the glitches. But this week Jill has worked with me (and WordPress) to fix these problems, so I’m good to go.

OK, so my motives aren’t completely pure: I also think I haven’t always been the easiest client for Jill. I’m nice (most therapists are!), and I do try hard to solve problems myself and learn new things, but here and there I get frazzled, or I do dumb things on my blog, and Jill has to put up with my shenanigans. So this post is (partly) a way for me to make it up to her. So, thanks Jill! And all the rest of you, if you’re thinking about building a new website and need a great webmaster, search no further!

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Yes, but this is a good question. Some people legitimately think it’s appropriate for therapists not to charge for their first session. After all, what if it doesn’t work out? What if I’m not a good fit for you? No therapist can (honestly) promise that the fit will be perfect. Like all human relationships, it’s not an exact science.

Even if that’s the case, in my experience the first visit can often accomplish a lot for you. Just to name one thing, the first visit is (usually) the first chance you’ve had in a long time to get your problems off your chest, to talk to someone–someone who’s really listening–about your problems. And that’s therapeutic. Even if we’re not a good fit, you’ll likely walk away feeling a little bit better.

And there’s more. First visits include lots of questions by me about what’s going on for you, what’s bothering you, who you call your family, what your workplace is like, and so on. But this isn’t just a way for me to gather information about you. It’s also a way for you to tell your story, just the way you want to tell it. And sometimes, in telling our stories, we get started on the process of changing them. Have you ever been in the middle of telling people something significant about yourself, and you suddenly realize something new, something you haven’t thought before, about your situation? That can happen in our first session.

And finally, I rarely (if ever) let anyone leave their first session without doing some in-session therapy work, and taking home a few things to think about and work on. So even though I charge for my first appointment, I assure you–the work I put you through is worth it!

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Something I do with almost every client is this: we pore over our calendars to find a date for our next meeting. Many of you have regular appointments, but others can’t do that because of changing work schedules. It can be crazy! So I’m happy to say I found a cartoon (click on thumbnail below) which was published twelve years ago and has stayed with me ever since. Let’s just say I’m glad they finally found a date for their meeting!

Happy Fourth of July everyone. Be safe, and if you’re in the mood, do this.

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Sorry for the lack of postings lately–I’m attending a two-week conference on organizational development and trying to keep up with my usual work, so it’s a busy time!

I thought I’d share a couple of things I’ve learned at the conference. Much of the learning is experiential: instead of a series of lectures, we’re learning how to work with groups and larger organizations by doing role-plays and then giving each other feedback about our skills and behavior.

I’ve been experimenting with being more assertive in these activities. Even though we’re not acting in the sense that we’re supposed to use our real selves in the role-plays, it’s an opportunity to experiment with new or growing-edge behaviors, and get feedback in a learning setting.

I’m glad to say that even though I’m taking risks and being more assertive in these work groups, I’m not driving people too crazy! (Though the conference ain’t over yet!) I’m learning that there’s a whole range of behaviors and interventions that I’ve used over the years but would do well to explore further. As a therapist, it’s easy to soak up the culture’s assumptions about what therapists are “supposed” to act like (you know–warm, kind, supportive) and neglect other skills that most people really need therapists to use, such as a willingness to carefully–but firmly–challenge or confront people with the stuff they really need to work on.

I’m hoping to integrate what I’ve learned not just into my professional life, but also in areas of my personal life where my “full self” or “best self” is a more assertive self. I suppose the danger is that I’ll start driving everyone crazy! But a key part of this learning is to hear and respond to the feedback of others, so as long as I stay tuned in to others, I should be okay. And when you think about it, what do you think really drives people crazy–hiding your true self, or being your true self?!

In a fun sidenote for all you MBTI fans out there, I retook the test, and I’m an extravert! I’ve always been a “fence” introvert, but in the last couple of years I’ve jumped the fence and am a (slight) E. My full type is ENTJ, which is the best type of course. (Kidding!) It’s been weird but also liberating to look at my preferences as an extravert. I still have a lot of introvert preferences, but I’m aware of how energized I am by connecting with other people, too. An extravert friend of mine is an intern trainer at this conference, so she’s having a lot of fun welcoming me to her team and introducing me to the E culture!

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Just a note to clients who use my online scheduler: I’m attending a two-week training on organizational development during the last two weeks of June, so most of my weekday appointment times are not available. I will be offering other times on those days, such as 7:00 p.m. appointments, but the online scheduler template doesn’t reflect that, so just give me a call or email me if you’d like to come in and can’t find a time on the scheduler. I’m here!

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I’m very happy to announce that you can once again schedule appointments with me online! Just go here and find the day and time that works for you, and if it’s available, click it and get started! I’m in the process of establishing an encrypted connection which will provide further privacy protection.

The new scheduler has many features that were not on the old one: it’s a lot easier to use, and when you make an appointment, you’ll get a confirmation email, and you’ll get a reminder email 1-2 days in advance of your appointment. I will still contact you whenever you schedule an appointment with me to assure you that I know about it and plan to see you on that day and time.

As usual, if this isn’t your thing, just call me at 206-214-7650 or email me at stephen@stephencrippen.com.

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Yes, I do work with straight couples! I was so concerned about welcoming LGBT couples that I’ve gotten feedback from straight couples that my website doesn’t make this clear. Please know that if you’re a straight couple seeking couples counseling in Seattle, I would be delighted to work with you. I was trained ten years ago in couple and family therapy, and from the beginning I’ve been working with couples, individuals, and families across the continuum of sexual orientation. I’ve noticed that straight couples and LGBT couples have many differences, yet they are all very similar in fundamental ways: we all want intimacy, growth, happiness, and fulfillment in our relationships. So if you’re a straight couple and need help with relationship problems, let’s talk!

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Someone who follows my blog emailed me to ask why I haven’t posted in a while. I’m taking a few days off in L.A. (and trying hard not to look like a tourist—with mixed results!). I’ll be back in the office on Tuesday the 19th and will have more posts soon. If you want to contact me to set up a visit for next week, just call or email me and I’ll get back to you soon. Have a great weekend!

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