Let the best part of you decide
I often work with people who are facing really hard decisions. There’s the common “Should I stay or should I go?” decision — do I want to stay in this relationship? Or the workplace version: “Should I stay in this job?” Sometimes people have agonizing choices to make, choices that pit one important part of their life up against another. For example: “Should I stay where I am now and be closer to family, or follow my dream to a distant city?”
In grad school, one of my professors counseled me to tell clients to flip a coin. Seriously! The idea was that when the coin landed, how you reacted to the result would tell you a lot about what you really want. You called heads and it landed tails … so, how do you feel? Often times, people realize (silly as this sounds) that they really wanted the coin to land the other way. It’s not such a bad idea.
But here’s another way to approach life’s hardest decisions. Ask yourself this question: What does your best self want to do? It’s not hard to hear the siren song of your lesser self (or lesser selves). If I stay close to family, your lesser self might tell you, I won’t rock the boat. Families like that! I’ll be rewarded! (Though I might feel a little miserable…) Or if I chase a dream — maybe not a real dream, or a true-desire dream…maybe an escapist dream — I won’t have to face the hard realities of my current relationships and problems. (Fun! Yet … what do I do when the fun wears off?) Or your lesser self might tell you, if I stay in this troubled — and maybe abusive — relationship, at least I’ll have the security of everything in my life staying stable. Or your lesser self might say, don’t worry about working on this relationship. Look! There’s someone new!
Your task is to learn how to listen to your best self, the part of you that is usually found in moments of quiet and serious reflection, or sober and bracing self-confrontation. The hard truth is that your best self doesn’t always have “good news” for you, if by “good news” you mean a comfortable or pleasant path out of your dilemma.
When you’re facing a tough decision, take time to tune in to your self. Take time to ask the question, “What does my best self want to do?
