I’ve been a therapist long enough (ten years this summer) to remember the days when people didn’t use email regularly, let alone text messaging. These days (I know, I sound so old saying “These days”!) people tell me that they’re having intimate conversations about serious problems…on email. Or they’re getting confronted by their partners about relationship issues…in text messages.

I guess I feel like being blunt today: I think this is a bad trend. Call me a dinosaur, but I think email and texting should be used for the following things: 1) business; and 2) fun. Everything else should be live and in person. Why? Because (and this is just my opinion, but hey, it’s my blog!) when you’re dealing with serious issues or emotional problems, it’s almost impossible to express yourself well in email or by texting your partner. An additional reason is that your words will be put in print, and you won’t know who will see them or what interpretations they’ll make when they read your words. Finally, my third reason is that it’s all too easy to duck when you’re communicating this way. It’s hard to look someone in the eye and tell them something they don’t want to hear. It’s hard to sit with someone in person and hold yourself accountable for your actions. It’s hard. But it’s also the right thing to do.

One last note about this. So far I’ve been advising you not to do this yourself, but it works the other way too. If your partner is texting you about serious stuff, I encourage you to assert your preference for a face-to-face conversation. Think about responding to emails with phone calls or other more direct contacts whenever the email contains negative or emotionally “hot” content. And when you reach the other person, say, “I want to talk about this with you, but I want to do it in person.” You’re worth it, and so is your relationship.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, June 5th, 2008 at 1:07 pm and is filed under Being Your Best Self, Couples. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.