Give yourself a break
A few weeks ago I recommended a great book on forgiveness. This book talks about forgiving those who have hurt you, but it also talks about forgiving yourself, especially if the person who hurt you is unwilling (or unable) to work things out with you.
This is important because most of the time, when people are angry or bitter—or just deeply sad—because someone hurt them, they are also angry with themselves for being vulnerable to the hurt. “How could I have been so stupid?!” I hear clients say. And it’s easy—when you’re really upset—to forget that you didn’t know then what you know now. Most of the time, you couldn’t have protected yourself from being betrayed, or lied to.
So one of the most important tasks before you in your recovery from a hurtful relationship—or a relationship that ended in a way that was hurtful—is to look with compassion on yourself, to reconcile yourself to yourself … to give yourself a break. When it happened, you did what you were able to do. You thought and felt and acted with all your might. Now that it’s over, you might be kicking yourself for not doing this, not saying that. I encourage you to notice this (understandable) self-scolding, and treat yourself with more compassion, more understanding, and yes—more love.
Click on the image below if you’d like to purchase Janis Abrahms-Spring’s great book on forgiveness:
