http://www.stephencrippen.com/blog/gottmans-marriage-tips-101/ Relationships, personal growth, individual and couple psychotherapy Wed, 08 Feb 2012 05:53:01 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 http://www.stephencrippen.com/blog/gottmans-marriage-tips-101/comment-page-1/#comment-1078 Stephen Crippen Thu, 29 May 2008 04:47:16 +0000 http://www.stephencrippen.com/blog/?p=96#comment-1078 Hi Jason. Sorry for the long delay in my response! No excuse, but my reason is I took a long Memorial Weekend with family. I think it's normal--and sometimes healthy--to have a friend who can be a kind of 'escape valve' for you. It can get unhealthy if you get into a long-term habit of not bringing hard stuff directly to your partner. It's healthy if you feel you're challenging yourself to engage with your partner when it counts. If you're just blowing off steam with a girlfriend, that's one thing. But if you're consistently avoiding the tough issues that hold you and your partner back...well, my guess is you'll know you're doing that when you do it! Think through for yourself what the "line" is for you. Ask yourself: am I just blowing off steam? Or am I avoiding something truly important? Hi Jason. Sorry for the long delay in my response! No excuse, but my reason is I took a long Memorial Weekend with family. I think it’s normal–and sometimes healthy–to have a friend who can be a kind of ‘escape valve’ for you. It can get unhealthy if you get into a long-term habit of not bringing hard stuff directly to your partner. It’s healthy if you feel you’re challenging yourself to engage with your partner when it counts. If you’re just blowing off steam with a girlfriend, that’s one thing. But if you’re consistently avoiding the tough issues that hold you and your partner back…well, my guess is you’ll know you’re doing that when you do it! Think through for yourself what the “line” is for you. Ask yourself: am I just blowing off steam? Or am I avoiding something truly important?

]]> http://www.stephencrippen.com/blog/gottmans-marriage-tips-101/comment-page-1/#comment-1063 Jason Fri, 23 May 2008 19:24:35 +0000 http://www.stephencrippen.com/blog/?p=96#comment-1063 Thanks for that link. I don't think I've ever needed to hear "Edit Yourself" more than I needed to hear it today. This is so hard for me because I want to talk and overtalk every single thing. Do you think it is healthy for people to have a friend they can "rant" about their partner with? Or is that generally unhealthy? I've always been the type to keep a "united front" to all our friends, but it just occurred to me after reading that Gottman tip that maybe that "girlfriend/confident" role does have a place. Thanks for that link. I don’t think I’ve ever needed to hear “Edit Yourself” more than I needed to hear it today. This is so hard for me because I want to talk and overtalk every single thing. Do you think it is healthy for people to have a friend they can “rant” about their partner with? Or is that generally unhealthy? I’ve always been the type to keep a “united front” to all our friends, but it just occurred to me after reading that Gottman tip that maybe that “girlfriend/confident” role does have a place.

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