‘Han’: it helps us take a second look at ‘genuine forgiveness’
A friend of mine recently shared with me what she’s doing right now in her spiritual practice. She’s placing colored lentils on a tile in the shape of the Korean word ‘Han,’ a word and concept that is hard to translate. I’m not qualified to tell you very much about it, but I can say this: it reminded me of the value of ‘genuine forgiveness,’ a process of reconciliation and healing created by Janis Abrahms Spring, who wrote the best book I know about reconciliation.
‘Han’ can be understood (at least partially–I don’t pretend to fully understand it) this way: that the truest healing happens when both the offender and the wounded are reconciled. It’s not enough for one of them to make sense of what happened, work through it, and find acceptance and peace. (Though that’s not nothing!) It’s best if both of them can come together and do the hard work of reconciliation. My friend wrote, “In other words, individual salvation is selfish and narcissistic. If the wounded are not brought into the picture of salvation, that’s not much of a salvation.”
I would only add that this works both ways: if the offender is not brought into the picture of salvation, that’s not much of a salvation, either. If I harmed you, then something must be done to bring justice and peace back into your life. But something must also be done to bring justice and peace back into my life as well. It’s like the ancient notion that a curse goes in two directions: toward the one you’re cursing, and inward at yourself. Both the offender and the wounded are wounded.
Sometimes, of course, this is not possible, or easy. Perhaps the offender died, or the wounded refuses to include the offender in the process of healing. Or perhaps it’s a situation in which it would only lead to further harm of the pair were to come back into contact. That’s why I won’t say that genuine forgiveness is the only way. But it’s worth pondering. If you have harmed someone and truly want to work through what you’ve done and find peace, then the best way would be to invite that person into a healing dialogue about what happened, a dialogue in which you truly hold yourself accountable and challenge yourself to make whatever amends you can.
And if you have been harmed and truly want to work through what happened, you may want to challenge yourself to allow the person who harmed you back into your life for the purpose of this shared process of genuine forgiveness.
Again–and I can’t say this enough–genuine forgiveness of this kind is not the only way. There truly is a way to work through your pain without it. But the Korean people, like so many others around the globe, have known for thousands of years about the power of Han.
*Note: this article was slightly edited for clarification and accuracy.
