Healthy, but not cold
I wanted to say one more thing about the “drama triangle.” Sometimes, when people are setting healthy boundaries in their relationships, or when they’re being told to do that, they assume it means they need to be cold or aloof. And often enough they’re accused of being cold and aloof. But that’s not the case, or at least it doesn’t have to be. Even though you may seem to be more distant, and even though you’re practicing new behaviors in which you and the other person are not taking care of each other in the old, overinvolved way, you may still be deeply in love with the other person, or have other strong feelings of care and concern.
It’s not about becoming an android. It’s not about forcing yourself not to care. You still care, and you may have many deep feelings for those around you who are still caught up in the drama triangle. I like to think of it this way: my actions look more balanced and stable, but my heart is still burning with love. I’m tending to my boundaries, and even though people might accuse me of being aloof, I know that healthy boundaries are the best way to truly show love and care to another person.
