Love and work
Could it be this simple? That all we need is love and work? There’s a saying attributed* to Freud, “Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness.” In my work, clients do usually focus on two things that look like love and work: relationships and careers. And when people are upset with themselves or feeling down, they often say they are “unlovable” or “worthless”–in other words, they think they’re failing in love and in work.
But even if those are the two big issues we humans have to wrestle with, it’s a little messier than it sounds: if you’ve ever been in a loving relationship, you know that it takes work. And if you’ve ever been happy in your daily work, you know that it’s something you’ve loved.
Sometimes people say they’re “married to their work,” and though they’re usually only half serious when they say it, I believe there’s a lot of truth to that. And that there isn’t necessarily anything wrong with it. Are you working on something you’re passionate about? Does your work–more than anything else–help you feel most fully alive? I help lots of clients find this kind of work in their lives.
And as for love, relationships, romance, friendships, and family…well, there’s a lot of labor involved, especially when the relationship is going well. Being honest with another person, asking for what you truly want, accepting the inevitable trade-offs, surrendering to a new reality of you-plus-one, pushing yourself to be more intimate even though it makes you anxious…that’s a lot of work! I help lots of clients with this, too, and have seen them (and myself) find deep satisfaction in the love and the work of human life.
*For anyone who’s curious, this site has the back story on the ‘love and work’ quotation.
