Most people—and I think most therapists and counselors—would say it’s a bad idea to make New Year’s resolutions. But I like them. I think they can be good. It’s just important to make resolutions about wants, not shoulds.

This might sound obvious, but most people just want to do what they want to do, not what they “should” do. “Should” is a setup for failure: “I should eat right, exercise, and follow a budget in the new year,” you might tell yourself. And then, around January 11th or so, you fall back to your old patterns. Why? Well, not because you’re lazy. And not because you’re undisciplined. No—it’s because you (like pretty much everyone) don’t like to follow “should” commands.

It’s just not how we’re wired. We humans are wired to be oppositional—to push back against things, other people, obstacles…even ideas or beliefs. It’s a survival skill. If I know how to push back against someone, that means I can stick up for myself, defend myself, protect myself. It’s just how we are. So if I tell you, “You know, you really should get your act together in 2008 and pay off that credit card!” you’ll be tempted (however unconsciously) to rebel against me by doing the opposite.

So when you sit down to do your New Year’s resolutions, approach them by reflecting on these questions:

What do I really want this year?
What do I want in my relationships?
What kind of financial habits do I want to develop?
What do I really want to do about my career?
How do I want to look, or feel, physically?
What vision do I have about myself, about my better self?

And then, having reflected on these questions, write down some ideas about what the new year might look like for you. Don’t worry about specific, detailed resolutions. Just think of it as your vision for yourself, your vision of who you really are, and what you really want. You’re not predicting the future. You’re not writing down a definite plan. You’re just envisioning a renewed way of living.

And have a happy, happy new year!

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This entry was posted on Monday, December 31st, 2007 at 6:15 pm and is filed under Being Your Best Self. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.