Standing ten feet tall, part 2
A little more on the “Standing Ten Feet Tall” idea…
It’s usually hardest to do this when other people around you are standing three feet tall, particularly if they are important to you–especially if it’s your spouse or partner who’s “acting like a little kid.” One way to see what I mean is to borrow from Transactional Analysis, but in a very basic way: think of yourself as having three basic options: 1) act like a parent; 2) act like an adult; or 3) act like a child. When another person is acting “three feet tall,” that’s my way of saying they’re acting like a child. You might feel tempted (strongly tempted!!) to act like a child in response, or you may feel tempted to over-function as a sort of parent figure for them, managing (anxiously) their behavior and generally falling into an unhealthy parent-child dynamic.
The healthiest option, of course, is to approach others from an adult stance, and this is what I mean by “standing ten feet tall,” and what Murray Bowen means by “differentiation,” and what Transactional Analysis means by “a state in which people behave, feel, and think in response to what is going on in the ‘here-and-now,’ using all of their resources as an adult human being with many years of life experience to guide them.”
Just remember: it’s harder when someone else isn’t standing very tall, and it’s even harder yet when that person is highly important to you!
Note: for more about Transactional Analysis, see my post from this past April.
