Stuffing a parachute into a shoebox
I know someone who left her husband because, she said, “staying with him would have been like stuffing my parachute into a shoebox.” (I have her permission to write about this.)
What she meant was that staying with her husband made her smaller: she had to accommodate his wishes on almost everything, which meant that she did most of the household chores and child care, and she didn’t get to have the intimacy and connection that she wanted in her marriage. She would ask him to come closer to her, to work with her on the relationship, or just to help with cleaning up the kitchen! But no, he wouldn’t budge.
By the time I met her, she had left him. And she had found herself grieving. Weeping, feeling depressed, mourning over her loss of a marriage, a dream, a hope that she and her husband could make it work. It seemed odd to her that she was so sad, because it was she who decided to end the relationship.
As she began to make sense of her new situation, and as she continued building a new life for herself and her family—her new two-household family—she slowly realized that her life was bigger: she was feeling more connected to friends and co-workers, more flexible and free with the time she could give to children and career—and maybe new love. She still occasionally grieves the loss of her marriage—she was serious about the promise she had once made to her ex-husband. But she’s glad that her “parachute” is so full now, and so colorful.
