The best in you, the worst in you
One of my favorite quotations is this by David Schnarch: “Only the best in us can talk about the worst in us, because the worst in us lies about its own existence.”
Let that sink in a little. You might have to read it a couple of times to fully receive it.
What’s the best in you? It’s your noblest self, your strongest self. It’s the part of you that is courageous, honest, even heroic. It’s the you that you’d want people to talk about at your funeral! “She was fearless,” you can hear them saying. Or, “He was true, and truthful, and trustworthy…” It’s the part of you that stands up in the midst of a fight and rises above your own petty vengefulness. It’s the part of you that challenges your partner to be a better woman, a better man.
And what’s the worst in you? It’s your smallness, your pettiness. It’s your self-centeredness, your weakness…and your anxious desire to protect your weakness from the strengths of others. It’s the part of you that you’re not proud of, that you try to deny, that you try to conceal.
When counseling–individual counseling or couples counseling, it doesn’t matter–when counseling is helping you most, it is challenging you to look your worst self squarely in the face, and, using the voice of your best self, acknowledge that weak part of you, that part of you that needs to die for you to live your best life.
Does it sound scary? I’ll guess that it does. But this is the only way–if you ask me–to find happiness and ecstasy in your life, and in your relationships.
