Try not to be so either/or in your thinking
One characteristic of European-American culture is the so-called “theory of opposites,” a habit of looking at problems, situations, and phenomena in either/or terms. That person is either good or bad. This dinner party is either pleasant or awful. This relationship is either healthy or doomed.
There isn’t anything inherently bad or wrong about this way of thinking–in fact, to think so would be to use this way of thinking to reject it!–but it’s helpful to remember that it is only one way of looking at the world. African and African-American cultures are much better at “both/and” thinking. That person upsets me sometimes, but she has many good qualities. This dinner party isn’t particularly fun, but I love the mashed potatoes and the person on my right is funny. This relationship is driving me crazy, but I love my partner and can see how we have a lot going for us.
You’d be surprised at how easy it is to fall into “either/or” thought patterns. Again, it’s not “bad” to do this, particularly if, say, you’re in a dangerous situation and need to make a quick judgment that leads you to safety. But for all those times you’re wrestling with yourself, your relationships, and the hundreds of situations in your life, consider thinking more broadly. Consider a “both/and” approach.
