Turning toward your partner
Like all of their workshops, this Gottman workshop is stuffed with great ideas, sound research, and keen insights. One of my favorites is their work on the concept of “turning toward,” that is, turning toward your partner as a way of being, a stance, a habit. For example, you see that your partner is upset, and rather than “giving her space” (which often enough is a way to avoid her, dressed up as being respectful of her), you lean in and simply say, “You look upset, babe. What’s the matter?” If you’re cultivating the habit of “turning toward,” you’ll begin to recognize thousands of opportunities to do this in your daily life with your partner. If you miss too many of them—or simply don’t recognize them—your relationship begins to erode.
For more on this from my own perspective, see what I said recently about curiosity.
August 27th, 2010 at 9:33 am
[...] I learned about the Zeigarnik effect, and I ran into the concept again when I was attending a Gottman workshop last month. You don’t have to know everything there is to know about this, but the bottom [...]
September 2nd, 2010 at 9:43 am
[...] I’ve said before, John Gottman has lots of great ideas for couples who want to be happy and healthy. One of his best [...]
February 24th, 2011 at 11:46 am
[...] it helps to do little things, little everyday things, that when added together form a relationship. Turn toward your partner. Apologize. Learn a new way to clear the air. Practice non-defensive listening. These are all good [...]