…discussed in my advice column. Couples, this one’s for you!

Like This Article? Please Bookmark It

It feels immodest to do this, but I recently received a thank-you from a client and have their permission to reprint it here. You know what? Sometimes couples therapy really helps!

The client wrote, “(We) are doing very well–in fact, we had a long discussion recently about how couples therapy with you has helped us over time. We both agreed that the conversations we had during (and because of) therapy fundamentally increased our understanding of one another–emotionally, intellectually, and sexually. What we learned with you has allowed us to continue growing on our own to wonderful effect, and our relationship right now is better than ever.”

Like This Article? Please Bookmark It

Recently someone I know was wondering if she and her partner were made for each other, or the worst combination of two people imaginable.* She wasn’t sure, but she had a hunch it was one of those two extremes.

I try not to give therapy advice to my friends (much to their relief), but I told her, “Maybe it’s both.” Maybe she and her partner drive each other crazy because they are a terrible mismatch, but that’s a good thing. If their differences cause friction–and wow, they do cause friction!–that means they are challenging each other to grow, learn, and even change. It’s certainly not boring!

One of them is highly introverted, the other highly extraverted. One had a stable upbringing, the other a chaotic family of origin. One had to struggle with substance problems, the other has never had that problem. Sounds like a nightmare, right? Except they really are good for each other. Their differences–along with their deep commitment to each other–force both of them to see themselves differently, and even make some painful changes in who they are and how they live their lives.

So if you feel your partner is at once your truest love and your worst nightmare, you might be on to something!

Like This Article? Please Bookmark It