Mark Sanford, guilty of love
This is the best article I’ve seen so far in the Mark Sanford sex scandal. Wait, it’s not a sex scandal–it’s a love scandal. He truly loved Maria, the “other woman” in the story. And he stood tall in his disclosure of the affair, took full responsibility, and expressed genuine remorse. Does that mitigate what he did to his wife, and their marriage?
Yes and no. Sanford faced the cameras alone, told the whole truth about what happened, and neither vilified his lover nor humiliated his wife. By our current national political standards, Sanford was in a class by himself. His wife has filed for a trial separation, and though I don’t know either of them, I think it’s a safe guess that she’s not immediately seeking divorce in part because he has behaved honorably…at least for the last few days.
In the article I linked to above, Cristina Nehring writes, “Let us hope that Mark and his graceful wife (who to her credit, both initiated a trial separation, and allowed him to explain his affair to the world alone, without holding his hand as though she was a babysitter who had reclaimed her charge) can put things together again in a new, imaginative, and electric way.”
I share that hope. The fact that Sanford truly loved his ‘mistress’* might make it both easier and harder to reconcile with his wife and have a new, “electric” marriage with her. Easier because in his confession of love, Sanford sounded like an emotionally aware, thoughtful man who did finally face up to what he had done. He’s not a misbehaving boy who forces his wife to play the thankless role of jilted babysitter. And it might be harder because this truly was the flowering of a new, loving relationship, and no doubt both Sanford and his wife will have a great deal to wrestle with. Sanford must not only make amends to her if he wants to rebuild his marriage (and, most likely, if he wants to look in the mirror without wincing). He will also have to discern with her whether they both want to build powerful intimacy and passion in a true marriage of love.
Only men and women can do that kind of thing.
* I used the word ‘mistress’ here because I couldn’t think of a better moniker for ‘the other woman.’ But I dislike the word ‘mistress.’ To me it evokes outdated images of powerful men and their femmes fatales. If you have a better term for this, please let me know!
