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Partner vs. cat
Dear Stephen,
My partner recently asked me to move in with her. We’ve been dating for a couple of years now, so we get lots of jokes from our friends because we aren’t the stereotypical “U-Haul on the second date” lesbian couple. I think one of the reasons we’ve waited so long is that my partner has a cat and knows I’m highly allergic to cats. (And she simply adores her cat.) I’ve spent some time in her apartment and had allergic reactions, though they haven’t been really bad, probably because I don’t usually spend very much time there and she’s willing to stay over at my place most of the time. I really want to move in with her, but my allergy is a serious problem. My partner is trying to be cool about it, but I can see it annoys her that I’m letting my allergy stand in the way of our next step as a couple. I don’t want to ask her to get rid of the cat, but I’m really feeling that if the cat doesn’t go, I can’t move in. Help!
–Allergy Girl
Dear Allergy Girl,
It sounds like the two of you just need to have a good talk, and also do some research about the problem. First, the talk: tell your girlfriend that you’re worried that she is frustrated with you about this problem, and that if she is, you understand her frustration. Tell her you’re willing to work with her on the situation, but you also need her to meet you halfway. I found a book that addresses the issue in a balanced way (see the link below). In her book “The Natural Cat,” author Anitra Frazier discusses natural methods that truly help reduce allergic reactions. She encourages cat owners to feed their cats well and brush them often. I think it also helps to vacuum or sweep regularly, keep the air moving in the apartment, and generally be sensitive to the presence of the cat’s fur in the living space. In Frazier’s experience, healthy, well-brushed cats are far less allergenic. In addition, she encourages the person with the allergy to consider a shot or other treatments to minimize their symptoms. (This could be a true sign of love on your part!) If your reactions so far haven’t been severe, that might mean that your partner is already raising a healthy and happy cat, and that all she needs to do is increase the brushing. Cats (and dogs) also benefit from Omega-3 fish-oil supplements that improve the health of their skin and coat. Bottom line: if you’re both willing to make some changes and understand the concerns of the other, you should be okay. Again, see below for the link to a good book.
–Stephen
