I do not hate my father, and I never will. I love my father. I admire and respect him, too. He is a retired appellate-court judge in Minnesota. He has a lifelong interest in family law, and has written eloquently on the rights and needs of children under the law, an issue that carries great importance during these hard times. He taught me to study the scriptures seriously, and carefully. He was and is a great father to seven children. His generous spirit revealed itself most fully every Christmas morning, but it was always discernible, always present in some form, throughout the year. He loves to read. He and his wife Sandy dote on their sweet little Westie dog, named Finnegan. My father is temperate, balanced, reasonable, just. He loves a good funny story. He honored his parents and was a lifelong friend to his older brother. He taught me how to be a good husband. He inspires my midlife interest in health and fitness. He has spent his life practicing the rare art of skillful kindness: he is kind, but not haphazardly so, not in a fluffy or silly way. He is thoughtfully kind.
I typically listen to a couple of different podcasts when I’m walking our dog in the evenings. (Dogs are great, but they are not great conversation partners.) Once a year, one of my favorite podcasts takes a break from its usual topic and drops a “Conundrums” episode. The three journalists step back from discussing the issues of the day to consider fun conundrums submitted by listeners.
A couple of examples... Would you rather be attacked by 20 horses who are the size of ducks, or by one duck who is the size of a horse? Or how about this one: Would you rather stop aging at 30 and live for 30 more years, or stop aging at 70 and live for 70 more years?
My husband Andrew and I decided to take on a challenge this summer, a challenge posed by me: we decided to watch all 23 films in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, from Iron Man, released in 2008, to Spider-Man: Far From Home, which hit theaters this summer. There are 23 films in the MCU, as it’s called, but really there is just one story, one myth, about a hero or heroine who surrenders to a power beyond herself to discover her identity, and then go on to fulfill her destiny.
Judas had gone out.
If this were a stage play, we would see on center stage the table, surrounded by Jesus and his anxious friends, one lonely spotlight trained on them. Beyond a wall, stage left, Judas is … “out,” dimly lit, going about his task, which is to assist the forces of darkness now arrayed lethally around and against Jesus.
Today we reach the shore of a lake and we see that Jesus has cooked a fish breakfast on a campfire.
(A campfire: This campfire might stir our memory. Didn’t we see a campfire not too long ago? Yes: Peter huddles beside a campfire that is burning just outside the house of Annas the high priest. Peter tries to warm himself on that terrible night when he betrays his friend three times. And so, maybe he is approaching the seashore campfire this morning with a growing anxiety: will the risen Lord mention the unmentionable? Will he name Peter’s betrayal, and hold him to account for it?
“Here is the man!” said Pilate.
“Idou ho anthropos!” said Pilate, in Greek.
“Ecce homo!” said Pilate, in Latin.
Man, anthropos, homo: this is the Human One.
We have four portraits of Jesus in our holy book. (Five, if you count Paul’s unique perspective.) John, unlike Mark, Matthew, and Luke, does something unique with the trial of Jesus: all four tell us that Jesus was flogged and mocked, but only John places this trauma in the middle of the trial.
For many years I have been a fan of “The West Wing,” a political show that offers a positive view of government, with respect for leaders on both sides of the aisle. Whatever your political views, I wonder if you can appreciate a particular scene in which the president admits that he was wrong, that he simply did the wrong thing. He did this wrong thing not because of his party affiliation or his political agenda, or really for any reason other than the fact that he was a flawed human being, and he listened to his fears, and he messed up. He could have denied his wrongdoing and fought against those who wanted to punish him for his mistake, but he chose to cop to it. And here is what he said:
Moses had to find a veil and pull it over his face, because his face was terrifyingly ablaze with the glory of God. The people couldn’t bear to look. He glowed with the wonder of his conversation on the mountain with God. For the people, this was just too much. They not only couldn’t stand to converse directly with God; they couldn’t bear even to see the reflection of God on the face of their leader. But when Moses went back up the mountain, and again began to converse with God, he took the veil off. God has no need of such things. God does not hold a veil over our faces, no, God is better known as the One who takes our faces into God’s hand, lovingly, the way a parent would draw a child’s face upward, holding onto the child just below the chin. And then God looks upon us, more frightening still, converses with us, and the terrible, wondrous, wrenching gleam of God’s glory blazes on our own faces. We shine. We radiate the light and the glory of God, we who are but dust and ashes. No frail attempt to hide can shade us from that light. No flimsy piece of fabric can veil us from this mystical connection with the divine.
This is my first video recording of a sermon, thanks to parishioner Mark Fearer. I preached at the Wednesday evening service at Emmanuel Church-on-the-Hill, Alexandria, February 27, 2019 (the feast of poet George Herbert). The sermon begins about five minutes in. Thanks Mark!
Photo: the chapel atop the Mount of the Beatitudes, in the Galilee region of Israel.
Do you need forgiveness? Have you done something you regret, and for which you need another person, or God, to forgive you?
Do you need to forgive? Has someone done something against you that grieves you, something for which you need that person to apologize, and make amends? Maybe that person is gone, or unwilling, or otherwise incapable of meeting you in your sorrow about what happened. Then what? Now what?
Over the past couple of years, one of my guilty pleasures has been the TV sitcom called “The Good Place.” In the pilot episode we meet Eleanor Shellstrop, a young woman from Arizona who wakes up on a comfortable couch in a quiet office lobby. Looming before her is a huge sign that says, “Welcome! Everything is fine.” A friendly, well-dressed, white-haired man named Michael (played by Ted Danson) calls her into his inner office and tells her that she has died, “her life on earth has ended, and she has entered the next phase of her existence in the universe.” Michael reassures her that upon her death, she went to the “Good Place.” Eleanor discovers that her whole life on earth had been recorded and judged: every moral choice she made had been evaluated on an elaborate point system, and she had earned enough points to go to the Good Place.
In 1996, moviegoers like me excitedly watched the first installment of Mission: Impossible, the franchise of films that follow our superspy heroes as they attempt to defeat the bad guys against terrible―well, impossible―odds. In this first film, we find Tom Cruise’s Ethan Hunt on a high-speed train with a couple of disavowed spies, including Luther, played by the charming, mellow Ving Rhames. Luther, despite his usual calm affect, is growing visibly anxious as Ethan tells the team that they are going to break into CIA Headquarters, in Langley. Luther finally is speechless, his eyes filled with worry.
I wonder if you have come into this room today with feelings of guilt or remorse. If not today, maybe another day: maybe you came to church at some point in your life with a heavy burden on your shoulders. Maybe you carried regret, or the kind of inconsolable sadness people sometimes feel when they made a big mistake, or fell short of expectations, or just got way off track.
Church people argue about lots of things. They debate the virgin birth, bodily resurrection, what miracles are, whether there’s an actual hell, and on and on. One of the smaller arguments church people have (when they should probably be doing something more productive) is the question whether Jesus had siblings. Some say no: his mother was always a virgin, they say. Others say yes: the Gospels mention brothers of Jesus, and in his teachings Jesus uses childbirth as a metaphor, suggesting that he probably helped his parents with home births, which gave him sermon material to work with.
I wonder if you have ever walked into a situation and discovered that it is far more serious than you had assumed. You underestimated your friend’s hard day, maybe, and what you thought was just a cloudy or stressful day for them turned out to be something much worse, and you didn’t pick up on that fast enough. You meant well, you love your friend very much! But you were just a little slow on the uptake.
If so, maybe you can empathize with those poor disciples, the first close friends of Jesus. So often they seem to just not get it. They are excited when it sounds like Jesus will be the answer to all their political hopes, so they ignore his repeated warnings that he is headed in an entirely different direction. They are indignant and want to take vengeance on those who reject the movement, but Jesus rebukes them and says that’s not what he’s about. These stories, one after another, give the impression that maybe the disciples aren’t too bright. But in their defense, he chose them, and presumably he saw something in them worth choosing. And--Jesus is a pretty hard person to be friends with. He’s intense. He’s unpredictable. He’s sometimes just touchy.
In today’s Good News, we catch up with Jesus and his followers just after he “sets his face toward Jerusalem.” This is the moment in the Gospel according to Luke when everything seems to turn in a foreboding, even frightening direction. When he turns toward Jerusalem, Jesus has to steel himself. Some interpreters say he sets his face like stone toward Jerusalem. From now on, as he and his followers make their way from Galilee through Samaria toward Judea, his Passion and death are looming on the horizon, the darkest of dark clouds. This friend of ours just got a lot more intense.
Naturally, the disciples are slow to cotton on to all this. Jesus sends a group ahead of him--a kind of advance team--to make preparations for his arrival in Samaria, and they are rejected by the Samaritans, who discover that Jesus is headed to Jerusalem, which for them is the wrong city, the wrong mountain, the wrong place to worship God. The Samaritans! They’re famous in our Gospels because Jesus befriended them, lifted them up, included them among those whom God favors. In our own place and time, Jesus is standing along our southern border and saying that God warmly welcomes our Mexican neighbors, and he’s standing outside a mosque and saying that God has a special love for all people of faith. Well, that’s great of Jesus, but sometimes cultural and political divisions reassert themselves, and now that he is heading to Jerusalem, this is just not a time when very many people come to his defense, or even understand what he’s up to.
But Jesus stays true to who he is. He rebukes his disciples when they want to channel the prophet Elijah and bring fire down from heaven upon those ungrateful Samaritans. But Jesus wants nothing to do with “shock and awe” firestorms, not because they are hard or impressive, but because they’re too easy. His path is much harder than that. In a quick string of three mini-conversations, Jesus teaches his friends that his path--his Way--is more important than everything else. To follow him in that place and time meant leaving the security of home, and the safety of family and friends. It meant taking everything seriously, staying focused, setting your face like stone.
So what does it mean to follow him now? Unlike his first friends, we might not always find ourselves on a perilous journey with Jesus, leaving family and a steady paycheck to brave dangerous roads on the way to the gruesome death of our leader. What does it mean to follow him now?
Yesterday on campus, we held a liturgy of “lament and hope,” a service that, like today, proclaimed hard readings from Job and Psalm 88. We invited people to write down and share their laments, their grief, their sadness, their anger, their fears. I was on the planning team and almost casually agreed to stand up front and read aloud some of these laments, written on index cards. When we all got up there and I glanced at my very first lament, I discovered (like those slow-witted disciples) that I had underestimated the intensity of the grief of my friends, and reading their words out loud was not going to be easy. As we all read aloud their laments, it started to dawn on me that we could do this service once a week from now until May and probably not exhaust the deep anguish welling up inside people. And the thing is, seminarians and families and faculty and staff at VTS--this is not a collection of humans too far out of the common way. If we held a liturgy of lament and hope on every street corner in the land, every passerby would be able to knock us to the ground with her sorrow. People feel joy and happiness too, of course. But it’s harder to honestly look someone in the eye and meet them where they hurt.
My voice shook a couple of times when I read those laments, and before I allowed myself to feel embarrassed about that, I decided that that’s the very least I can do for my neighbor: I can allow their story to shake me, and not try to hide that. And... like many of us, my own lament remained very important to me, and when someone else read it aloud, it seemed like the most important thing that had been said so far. I can admit that self-centeredness.
As baptized Christians, we are challenged by our severe friend Jesus to take the hard path. Simply sitting still in the presence of your neighbor’s pain can be pretty hard. And that’s just one of our many options to do the work of ministry in the here and now.
Jesus is always heading to Jerusalem. He’s up to something more important than all of our possessions, and even our families and careers. His path takes us into dangerous places, calls us to hard tasks, challenges us to upend our whole lives. His path also leads to the empty tomb, with astonishing good news of triumph over sin and death. Through all of this, Jesus is uncompromising. He is intense.
What hard thing might he be asking you to do?
Proper 21, Wednesday, Year Two
Preached at Immanuel Church-on-the-Hill, Alexandria, VA, October 3, 2018.
One persistent fear that I carry into midlife is that I will always be a kid brother. I would like to not be a kid brother anymore. I don’t mean this literally: I have four older siblings, I mean them no harm, and even beyond all of our lifetimes, we forever will be siblings, at the very least on a dusty and yellowed copy of our family tree stored away in someone’s attic. In that sense I am and will always be a kid brother (and a big brother too: I have two younger sisters). But I often bring before God in prayer a desire—and I hope also an openness or willingness—to be, or to become, someone more than that identity, the identity of kid brother, an identity with which I have identified since the dawning of my self-awareness. I want to be someone more.
The New Yorker magazine is famous for its cartoons, and as you may know, they tend to run in themes—dog and cat cartoons, lawyer cartoons, and my favorite: psychoanalyst and therapist cartoons. (My profession is very easy to make fun of.) One of my favorite therapist cartoons has no caption. It is just a simple image. A married couple is walking through a door, and their cheering wedding guests are still throwing confetti over them. The couple is exultant, thrilled, overjoyed. Today is their wedding day! But the door they walk through is the door of a stuffy therapist’s office, with the bald and bearded therapist waiting in a chair by an empty couch, pen poised at his lips, notepad resting on his crossed legs.
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.
Often enough, in conversational English, you’ll hear someone talking as if they have multiple personalities. “Part of me wants to get the day started and clean the house,” your friend will say, “but part of me wants to relax and sleep in.” When people feel conflicted about an important decision, the little “people” inside them seem to be arguing about it. “Part of me really wants to tell her off, but the sensible dad inside me would never allow me to do that.”
A friend of mine who was raised by a highly responsible parent has even named a part of herself by her mother’s name, and we talk about that dimension of her personality as if it were a distinct person inside her. And now that I’ve returned to seminary and been stimulated and challenged by immense life changes, changes that have prompted a lot of self-reflection, I’ve gone so far as to assign names to a couple of my own inner “people.” Simply naming them has shed some light on my own character and identity.
“I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, and I will bind up the injured, and I will strengthen the weak.” --Ezekiel 34:16a
Lindy West is a fat woman.
She would want me to say it that way. She’s not “large,” or “heavy,” or “a woman of size.” She says we should use the word ‘fat,’ because that is how she is seen in our weight-conscious culture; that is how she is judged; that is the reason why she is both visible in a way that upsets people, and invisible because fat people are erased from view, overlooked, disregarded.